Published on behalf of Valerie G
A mistress to some. A slave to others. Depending on the needs to be fulfilled, as long as it could satisfy my deepest, darkest desires or someone else’s.
How did I come across BDSM? It was actually a find really. I had always felt like there were two types of relationships. The kind like my parents had and something for me. Saw most of it online. Call me a pervert but that’s the best way to gain information comparing to discussing it on public. Any topic sex-related is almost a no-no to be discussed -even among close friends. Over the years and after a long list of sexual encounters, I finally came across a number of people who actually practiced and embrace it. As soon as I saw it, I was amazed “Finally,” I thought, “I’m not alone, and I’m not weird. There are others like me!” From that point forward, not only did I find out that I wasn’t alone, but that the lifestyle had a name, and people lived it.
The first experience..
My first time, I was a sub. I had found someone else (the guy I was dating at the time) who was into the lifestyle, (and he’s gay). I know it’s weird, but we were happy together. In fact, if not for him I would never have experienced the lifestyle and nor been able to understand it. I was still scared, but I knew what I wanted, and that was to be submissive. I explained to him all the things I was looking for and he happily obliged. We discussed what was going to happen (there is a lot of talking before you begin this type of relationship). At this point, I had never experienced bondage and discipline.
Not until years and years after, I meet a guy who owns a bag of toys. Even so, he never shared them with me despite seeing each other number of times. It doesn’t matter how comfortable you are in your own skin, you could never share the lifestyle with anyone just like that. Not yet. The next thing I know, we now have a collection of rope, dildos and things like that along with a few other things which I still have no clues what for.
Do I love it?
It was and is brilliant! I had never felt more at peace and yet so stimulated in my life! I could finally let go, and let someone else take the reigns for once. I remember the feel of the rope on my skin. It was really soft nylon but I could still feel the texture of it as it wrapped around my wrists. There was a terrifying feeling of helplessness for a moment when I realised I can’t move my hands as they’ve been tied behind my back, but then suddenly I felt extremely relaxed.
Yes, it takes time and patience. All the commands were easy ones for me to accomplish. It gave me a feeling of security and safety that is difficult to explain. He had taken control of me, control of my body, instructing me on acts of what to do and how to do them, adding in words and phrases that I happened to like to hear. There was no drama in the scene, either. I was his pet, and he was my master. I was happy to serve him, and as the commands came out, I found myself even more into the role, and even more willing to do what he wanted. I’d never been more turned on in my life.
Dressing up, is it as important?
Costumes are optional, though why you would want to go without them is beyond me. When I say costume, I’m don’t mean an entire get up, but I have to say those can be rather fun, too. A costume can be something simple or something along those lines to portray a certain role. We enjoy role-play. He wanted to be more than just my master, he wanted to play a part and for me to play with him.
What are the rules?
Safe words. Very important. Oh, a safe word is a word you would not normally say to stop or at least to lessen the intensity of it. Communication is also key to any good Sub/Dom relationship, beyond just the use of the safe word. People in the lifestyle generally know their partners better than most people who have been married for way too long. They know how their partner responds to things, emotionally, physically and mentally. This wasn’t done by tying the other up and flogging them. It was built through discussion before a scene, and after to find out what worked and what didn’t.
If you don’t trust a Dom then the scene will be choppy and terrifying, and not pleasurable at all. Being tied up, gagged and blind-folded leaves you helpless. Add on top of that the nudity, and you are in a prime place to get abused (and not in a good way). You need to trust your partner, because they have the control and they are doing things to you, which in other circumstances can evoke strong emotional responses. Your partner should know those things. This goes back to the communication aspect. Talking to each other build trust!
From a dominant perspective, its good to trust your Sub as well. This is important because without their guidance on their limits and tolerance, you could seriously hurt them.
What do I enjoy?
I enjoy being tied up, that’s for sure. It is a sign to the world that I belong to someone, and the fact that they have control and it means I am theirs. It really puts me into the subservient mind set, which in and of itself turns me on. Also using their open hand for spanking.
There is something intimate about being spanked with a hand as opposed to an instrument and the bright red hand print is further signs of ownership. Those marks belong to a master and if anyone were to see them, they would know you were having ’kinky’ sex. Its humiliating to know others can think of you that way and for me, that is also a turn on. Certain trigger words can also be used, ‘slut’ ‘bitch’ ‘whore’ (things that if said to me outside of a scene would have me yanking a person’s tongue out), are acceptable and more than welcome during play.
Submission gives me a way to let go. As a Sub I have not a care in the world besides the pleasure of my master. Its quite relaxing. It’s a great way to just exist and feel. Another part of submission that is wonderful is a feeling of beauty. It doesn’t matter what you look like or how much you weigh because when you are serving someone, you know that they chose you to be their pet. It’s a wonderful feeling.
Have I ever scared someone off because of it?
Yes. And that was okay. We just don’t or stop talking about it. I honestly never expected every lover I’ve had or will have to be okay with tying me up and spanking me.