50 SHADES OF BULLSHIT STEREO TYPES

man in window with rope

Is Bondage good for you?

the lead character of the wildly popular 50 shades of grey is wealthy powerful successful but ultimately a troubled man who’s realease is found in physically hurting his girlfriend under the guise of calling it BDSM. The only problem with this stereotypical projection of why people participate in BDSM is that it is not based on any real facts except the imaginations of people who have never come in contact with or done any research into the BDSM lifestyle.

 The first and only study on the mental health of BDSM practitioners has began to peel back the darkness of ignorant stereotypes that has plagued BDSM

A recent study (Wismeijer & van Assen, 2013) compared, by way of online survey the metal health of people that participated in BDSM (bondage-discipline, domination-submission and sado- masochism). The survey had 1571 respondents of which 431 did not participate in BDSM and were recruited for a “Mental Health survey”. The survey found that people that participated in BDSM were

  • less neurotic
  • more extraverted
  • more open to new experiences
  • more conscientious
  • less sensitive to rejection
  • had higher subjective well-being

Wait a minute.. Does that mean that bondage is good for you? Well i m not going to comment either way but it does highlight one very important fact. All of what you think you know about BDSM and the people that do it has nothing to do with fact or research, and everything to do with television and the internet. Almost no research has been done in this area because people are too scared to be labeled in their careers looking at these sorts of topics.

In a recent interview with David Di Salvo, author of the recently published book, “Perve: The Sexual Deviant in all of us” Mr Jesse Bering says that “…if there’s one thing I discovered while working on this book, it’s that the strength of one’s moral convictions about sex usually reflects the depths of one’s ignorance about the science of sex. The more one learns in this area, paradoxically, the more uncertain one becomes.”

Think about that for a second.. What have heard about sex, gays, swingers, fetishes, marriage, open relationships, sex toys, rope.. Are you sure you really know what is right or wrong good or bad? Or perhaps we should spend less time judging what makes other people happy and start exploring what makes ourselves happy.

Jesse Bering further underlines this point “Human beings are “stomach philosophers”—we allow our gut feelings to make decisions about other people’s sex lives on the basis of whether or not we’re personally disgusted or uncomfortable with their erotic desires or behaviors. I draw the line at harm, but defining harm can be a slippery matter, too. Since we would be harmed, we presume that others must be harmed as well, even when that’s far from apparent. I joke in the book about how I’d be irreparably damaged if Kate Upton were to pin me to my chair and do a slow strip tease on my lap. Lovely as she is, I’m gay, and not only would I not enjoy that experience, I’d be made deeply uncomfortable by it. My straight brother or my lesbian cousin, by contrast, would process this identical Upton event very differently.”

Is that Zed i hear next door calling for the Gimp? The possibility makes me smile, because we never really know people and thats the magic.

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